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photo credits: http://myhero.com/images/gallery/staff/beach_mom_daughter_mcgee.jpg

I wasn’t prepared for motherhood.  My good guess is that no matter how old you are when you become a mother for the first time, no amount of preparation is ever enough to really prepare you for actual motherhood duties.

I feel younger than ever, despite the fact that my waist line seems to be catching up with my age, and I have yet to see wrinkles, thanks to Absynthe BathandBeauty (*shameless endorsement*).  But sometimes I feel immature and just totally out of sync with my motherhood. At times, it feels like my eldest daughter Kayla, turning 14 next week, has a more matured demeanor, taste and even habits.  Case in point no. 1: ever since I started using the Kindle, I have never picked up an actual book again (with the exception of my daughters’ school books, law books for occasional consultation, or cookbooks on very rare instances).  I currently have 498 books on my Kianne (that’s half-a-case in point, I name my favorite things…) and just read and read what I feel like reading.  Kayla, on the other hand, borrows actual books from her friends and just leaves her Kendra2 (formerly mine obviously since it has a name) lying around the house.  She has not shifted fully to digital reading yet, the way I had.  Case in point 2: she does not go “fangirl” mode.  Well, not much. Uhm ok, not as much as her mother.  The only fangirling I see her do is read and reblog on Tumblr, mostly with Hunger Games and Logan Lerman.  Her mother, on the other hand, is on fangurl mode with a lot, but most especially Ian Somerhalder and The Vampire Diaries which is a totally juvenile tv series, to the extent of actually braving a madding crowd to get to see Damon Salvatore in the flesh when he came to Manila.  Case in point number 3: Kayla’s preferred colors are earth tones, while her mother prefers pastels, sometimes hot pinks, and flashy purples.  (Dear English Grammar, thank you for the third person voice-case-mode, whatever.)  These are among my “Freaky Friday” moments (you know, that movie when mom and daughter’s personalities were interchanged by a fortune cookie, something…stars Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis).

So, anyway, you get my drift.  Fourteen years after I became a first-time mother there are still moments when I catch my breath, or my heart stops (oftentimes figuratively LOL), and times when I still get shocked by the fact that I am a teenager’s mom, and that I will be a teenager’s mom three times over.  I feel scared sometimes, and inadequate, and at times all I have is faith and prayer that they will turn out to be good people, and just really happy with their lives.  I know for a fact that it is not easy to have me as their mom (for one, I bicker about our lives in print), but I just hope I am good enough to make them blessings to this world and to others as they grow older. I try every single day, and on fine days, it is always a blast.

sun*star.baguio.24jan2013.

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